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Monday, March 22, 2010
The main reason underlying a marriage is to have a friend who loved life and get the psychological satisfaction from the relationship. In fact, the development of marriage may be headed in different directions, so there are various types of relationships in marriage.
To what married? Each person can have different answers to these questions. Perhaps the reason the economy, namely to ensure the survival of the material. That's why we find the marriage of the main considerations is the wealth of potential mates.
Other reasons which can be found among others to get their offspring, for the sake of social status, for the sake of love, and so on. However, the most common reasons underlying the decision to marry someone is to have a friend who loved life and get the psychological satisfaction from the relationship.
Although in addition to those reasons may also have economic considerations or social status, psychological needs will be a partner (companionship) are usually the main objective. With this main goal, a person will feel happy when life found satisfaction in marital relationships.
Unfortunately for the purpose of marriage has a warm relationship, open, mutually respectful, harmonious sex life, long-term commitment, it's all easier to dream, but it is not easy to be realized.
Not all couples who have goals or values can be reached in the same manner and in the same level of achievement as well. As a result, there are various types of relationships in marriage.
Typology Relations
William Lederrer & Don Jackson (in Atwater, 1983) classify marriages into two dimensions: satisfied / not satisfied and stable / unstable. According to them, are generally included in the category of marital satisfaction and instability, ie, there is a strong commitment to marriage, but sometimes experience stress, disagreements, and arguments.
On the other hand, the marriage ended in divorce or decorated with severe problems, often have unsatisfactory relationships and unstable, marked by the ongoing conflict and hurt each other.
Typology marriage relationship is more popular than the study produced by Cuber & Harroff. Based on survey of 100 couples who have married more than ten years and not seriously threatened divorce, they then studied menglasifikasi partner.
According Cuber & Harroff, overall there are six classifications or types of relationships in marriage.
1. Conflict-habituated
Type of conflict-habituated relationships is the type of couple who fell in the habit of complaining and arguing. These habits become a way of life for them, so constantly find disagreement. Thus, stimulation of individual differences and conflicts instead support the couple together. Sometimes supported by a satisfying sex life.
2. Devitalized
Type of relationship is characteristic of devitalized couples at a time can develop a sense of love, enjoy sex, and each other mutual respect. However, they tend to void the marriage and stay together, especially for children and their position in the community.
Quite interesting, because this type of couples with no feeling that he was not happy. They think that the state experienced is common after years of passionate exceeded. Too bad that this is apparently the most common type of marriage.
3. Passive-congenial
The couple with the type of passive-congenial same type devitalized couples, but the emptiness that the marriage has lasted since the beginning. Marriage like this more often because of marriage or the economic calculations are based on social status, not because of emotional connection.
Like type devitalized couples, just a little emotional involvement, not too produce conflict, but also less satisfied in marriage. In fact, these couples to avoid each other more, rather than caring.
4. Utilitarian
In contrast to the types of others, this type of utilitarian emphasis on the role rather than a relationship. There is a difference in contrast, especially when compared with the last two types (vital and total) that are intrinsic, ie prioritizing marriage relationship itself.
5. Vital
This vital type is one of the types of marital relationship with the characteristics of couples are bound to one another, especially by personal relationships with one another. In the relation to each other mutually satisfactory care for the psychological needs of others, and sharing in a variety of activities.
In this type each individual has a strong personal identity. In their communication is honesty and openness. If there is a conflict is usually because the things that is very important and can be resolved quickly. This is the type of the most satisfying marriage. Unfortunately this type least likely.
6. Total
This type has many similarities with the type of vital. The difference is, these couples become "one flesh" (one flesh). They're always in total unity, thus minimizing the personal experiences and conflicts. Not like the type of devitalized, agreement is usually done for the relationship itself. This type of marriage is very rare.
Seeking Happiness
Not too useful if we adopt this marital relationship typology for others. The main benefits can we learn is by looking at our marriage each.
By trying to find the suitability of our marriage relationship with one of the six types that have been described above, we can reflect as if the development of our marriage relationship.
Do we have the characteristics of a vital type of relationships? If so, blessed are we to find satisfaction in marriage. If another reality, that it was time to seek the happiness that marriage has been developed.
Does that need to be cultivated? No other adjustment made in several ways: the role of adjustment, in communication and conflict, in sex lives, and in the face of these changes (Atwater, 1983).
Adjustments in the role of
To achieve satisfaction in marriage, both parties must be continually re-adjust themselves (readjusting) in understanding what to expect from each other in a rational way from their respective roles. The most important thing is to increase the flexibility in setting expectations for the role of each partner.
Expectations that are too rigid and unrealistic (for example, should expect a good cook wife or husband must provide all financial needs) would have caused disappointment. Sharing or sharing of roles needs to be done, for example, the wife took part to make a living. On the other hand, the husband also took part in childcare and other domestic matters.
In communication and conflict
A happy marriage is always supported by effective communication: talking about the issues, understand what is heard with a good, sensitive to the feelings of others, and use nonverbal expression in addition to verbal communication, do not misinterpret the emotional message pairs. Unhappy couples usually because it tends to distort (misinterpret) the messages are verbal and nonverbal negative.
Conflict in marriage can be developed due to miscommunication, disharmony sex, finances, children, and so on. To overcome these conflicts, the important thing is how to manage it.
It is best to deal with conflict, not avoid it. Need to take the difference and believed the conflict was a common thing in a marriage. With that we can learn how to cope in ways that are agreed upon, so that the two sides could grow more mature.
In a sexual relationship
Both men and women have different sexual needs are different, and the expected satisfaction were also different. Therefore, what is needed is openness with each other to find harmony.
Another thing to note is to build closeness and security with a partner. Most couples having intercourse for the pleasure of closeness and a sense of security is.
In the face of change
Over time, the presence of children, and others, in general couples decreased arousal. They have devitalized: problems reduced, but also the less express love.
However, there are exceptions: those who remain open to each other and keep together even more shows of love when compared to the early days of marriage.
To what married? Each person can have different answers to these questions. Perhaps the reason the economy, namely to ensure the survival of the material. That's why we find the marriage of the main considerations is the wealth of potential mates.
Other reasons which can be found among others to get their offspring, for the sake of social status, for the sake of love, and so on. However, the most common reasons underlying the decision to marry someone is to have a friend who loved life and get the psychological satisfaction from the relationship.
Although in addition to those reasons may also have economic considerations or social status, psychological needs will be a partner (companionship) are usually the main objective. With this main goal, a person will feel happy when life found satisfaction in marital relationships.
Unfortunately for the purpose of marriage has a warm relationship, open, mutually respectful, harmonious sex life, long-term commitment, it's all easier to dream, but it is not easy to be realized.
Not all couples who have goals or values can be reached in the same manner and in the same level of achievement as well. As a result, there are various types of relationships in marriage.
Typology Relations
William Lederrer & Don Jackson (in Atwater, 1983) classify marriages into two dimensions: satisfied / not satisfied and stable / unstable. According to them, are generally included in the category of marital satisfaction and instability, ie, there is a strong commitment to marriage, but sometimes experience stress, disagreements, and arguments.
On the other hand, the marriage ended in divorce or decorated with severe problems, often have unsatisfactory relationships and unstable, marked by the ongoing conflict and hurt each other.
Typology marriage relationship is more popular than the study produced by Cuber & Harroff. Based on survey of 100 couples who have married more than ten years and not seriously threatened divorce, they then studied menglasifikasi partner.
According Cuber & Harroff, overall there are six classifications or types of relationships in marriage.
1. Conflict-habituated
Type of conflict-habituated relationships is the type of couple who fell in the habit of complaining and arguing. These habits become a way of life for them, so constantly find disagreement. Thus, stimulation of individual differences and conflicts instead support the couple together. Sometimes supported by a satisfying sex life.
2. Devitalized
Type of relationship is characteristic of devitalized couples at a time can develop a sense of love, enjoy sex, and each other mutual respect. However, they tend to void the marriage and stay together, especially for children and their position in the community.
Quite interesting, because this type of couples with no feeling that he was not happy. They think that the state experienced is common after years of passionate exceeded. Too bad that this is apparently the most common type of marriage.
3. Passive-congenial
The couple with the type of passive-congenial same type devitalized couples, but the emptiness that the marriage has lasted since the beginning. Marriage like this more often because of marriage or the economic calculations are based on social status, not because of emotional connection.
Like type devitalized couples, just a little emotional involvement, not too produce conflict, but also less satisfied in marriage. In fact, these couples to avoid each other more, rather than caring.
4. Utilitarian
In contrast to the types of others, this type of utilitarian emphasis on the role rather than a relationship. There is a difference in contrast, especially when compared with the last two types (vital and total) that are intrinsic, ie prioritizing marriage relationship itself.
5. Vital
This vital type is one of the types of marital relationship with the characteristics of couples are bound to one another, especially by personal relationships with one another. In the relation to each other mutually satisfactory care for the psychological needs of others, and sharing in a variety of activities.
In this type each individual has a strong personal identity. In their communication is honesty and openness. If there is a conflict is usually because the things that is very important and can be resolved quickly. This is the type of the most satisfying marriage. Unfortunately this type least likely.
6. Total
This type has many similarities with the type of vital. The difference is, these couples become "one flesh" (one flesh). They're always in total unity, thus minimizing the personal experiences and conflicts. Not like the type of devitalized, agreement is usually done for the relationship itself. This type of marriage is very rare.
Seeking Happiness
Not too useful if we adopt this marital relationship typology for others. The main benefits can we learn is by looking at our marriage each.
By trying to find the suitability of our marriage relationship with one of the six types that have been described above, we can reflect as if the development of our marriage relationship.
Do we have the characteristics of a vital type of relationships? If so, blessed are we to find satisfaction in marriage. If another reality, that it was time to seek the happiness that marriage has been developed.
Does that need to be cultivated? No other adjustment made in several ways: the role of adjustment, in communication and conflict, in sex lives, and in the face of these changes (Atwater, 1983).
Adjustments in the role of
To achieve satisfaction in marriage, both parties must be continually re-adjust themselves (readjusting) in understanding what to expect from each other in a rational way from their respective roles. The most important thing is to increase the flexibility in setting expectations for the role of each partner.
Expectations that are too rigid and unrealistic (for example, should expect a good cook wife or husband must provide all financial needs) would have caused disappointment. Sharing or sharing of roles needs to be done, for example, the wife took part to make a living. On the other hand, the husband also took part in childcare and other domestic matters.
In communication and conflict
A happy marriage is always supported by effective communication: talking about the issues, understand what is heard with a good, sensitive to the feelings of others, and use nonverbal expression in addition to verbal communication, do not misinterpret the emotional message pairs. Unhappy couples usually because it tends to distort (misinterpret) the messages are verbal and nonverbal negative.
Conflict in marriage can be developed due to miscommunication, disharmony sex, finances, children, and so on. To overcome these conflicts, the important thing is how to manage it.
It is best to deal with conflict, not avoid it. Need to take the difference and believed the conflict was a common thing in a marriage. With that we can learn how to cope in ways that are agreed upon, so that the two sides could grow more mature.
In a sexual relationship
Both men and women have different sexual needs are different, and the expected satisfaction were also different. Therefore, what is needed is openness with each other to find harmony.
Another thing to note is to build closeness and security with a partner. Most couples having intercourse for the pleasure of closeness and a sense of security is.
In the face of change
Over time, the presence of children, and others, in general couples decreased arousal. They have devitalized: problems reduced, but also the less express love.
However, there are exceptions: those who remain open to each other and keep together even more shows of love when compared to the early days of marriage.
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