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Monday, March 22, 2010
How do you want to be remembered by his wife, children, and the closest? Men who self-centered and demanding absolute respect for the husband or father and is respected not by force, but precisely because understanding, loving, and responsible?
Imagine the boys and girls aged 3 or 4 years. They both need the support and affection from the adults around them. However, due to the image of "strong" that is attached to men, many men have been eating smaller taught not to acknowledge fear and grief.
Remember the song that were released Iwan Fals for his son, "Come down from your mother's lap, you are a man, his own future". Being a man must be strong and powerful, the weak and whiny is feminine, women's. Boys too quickly forced independent, criticized, reprimanded, and humiliated when he cried or asked for protection of his mother ran away.
Some psychologists who initiated the men the new psychology of men said that in many men going "trauma of separation" in the early period. The boy was shocked and embarrassed when forced to perform strongly, felt humiliated when demeaned for being sloppy (sloppy boy really, the basic child mommy, sissy!).
This experience is so painful, causing the event to be buried in the unconscious nature, but continued to overshadow his identity until adulthood. Men feel confused, embarrassed, and hate it when looking weak or considered weak. They do not acknowledge the sides of the "vulnerable" from himself and the rate of women's weakness is.
At the same time, men also get pengistimewaan. They were released from house chores, are allowed to play as free as possible to explore the strength and breadth of the world body. Also preferred because they are going to be a leader and head of the family.
Trauma of separation and pengistimewaan male embryo and a condescension toward women and self-centered attitudes of some men. Degrading femininity, emphasizing obedience, duty, and fidelity of the couple, but not applying it as an obligation of reciprocity also for themselves.
The dark side of masculinity
Human beings, women and men, in addition to having positive feelings, actually had the same feelings of fear, anxiety, depressed, or sad. Feelings are human and need to be recognized to be managed and resolved. However, for many men, it is considered as showing "weakness", not masculine, and embarrassing. Image of the ideal man is a strong, independent, able to compete, be a leader and a winner in the environment.
In accordance with the image of masculinity that connotes aggressive and strong in many men are emotionally upset. Various other negative feelings are not known, too embarrassing and threatening if it should be acknowledged openly. What is known is the emotion of anger and other emotions are also moved into the emotion of anger.
For example, when the wife talks to her male friends, maybe her husband felt "jealous"; when boyfriend drove her career, a man may feel "less confident" and as the wife of differing views on a matter, the husband may have felt "sad that not understood ".
However, instead of communicating their feelings honestly and openly, which is known and shown is the emotion of anger. Habits favored establishing a great need to be honored and privileged. Therefore, the understanding is that couples do not respect and some men and displays of anger and demanding compliance.
Image of a man "new"
On Wednesday, March 10, 2010, then, held talks about the "Movement New Men" on Campus UKRIDA, Jakarta. Interesting that Mas Nur Iman Subono reminded that the socialization of descent that gave priority to male power, privilege, and excessive permissiveness to men. This is not only unfair to women, but can cause conflict and distress in men themselves.
There are gender role strain because the things that normative and idealized for this (the man must be a great leader and more) truly different from the concrete fact that men actually are not more intelligent and more capable than women. Many women who are smarter and have more capacity than men.
Mayong Suryo Laksono who was married to a public figure says, "My wife and I are two different people. I can not change him my own devices, as well as he can not change me. Each of us has interests, needs, our own careers. According to I, forcing people to change for us was really bad. "
The speakers agreed that the man man demanding, want to control and dominate, especially violence against the couple, actually is a man who does not believe in themselves. Constantly in suspense and doubt, and then force others to comply in order to calm himself.
New messages to convey: that there is no higher and more powerful than others, why men and women do not work together to understand and respect each other?
It is time men no longer proud, but rather feel embarrassed if it is known as a man of selfish and arbitrary acts. Household work and make a living just as important and valuable, and not exclusively belong to one gender.
More beautiful picture is a picture of a father carrying a child, husband and wife are happy to share the task, the younger generation of women and men who can achieve goals as high as possible. Men are compassionate, understanding, and willing to work together instead would automatically get respect from his wife, children, and society.
Imagine the boys and girls aged 3 or 4 years. They both need the support and affection from the adults around them. However, due to the image of "strong" that is attached to men, many men have been eating smaller taught not to acknowledge fear and grief.
Remember the song that were released Iwan Fals for his son, "Come down from your mother's lap, you are a man, his own future". Being a man must be strong and powerful, the weak and whiny is feminine, women's. Boys too quickly forced independent, criticized, reprimanded, and humiliated when he cried or asked for protection of his mother ran away.
Some psychologists who initiated the men the new psychology of men said that in many men going "trauma of separation" in the early period. The boy was shocked and embarrassed when forced to perform strongly, felt humiliated when demeaned for being sloppy (sloppy boy really, the basic child mommy, sissy!).
This experience is so painful, causing the event to be buried in the unconscious nature, but continued to overshadow his identity until adulthood. Men feel confused, embarrassed, and hate it when looking weak or considered weak. They do not acknowledge the sides of the "vulnerable" from himself and the rate of women's weakness is.
At the same time, men also get pengistimewaan. They were released from house chores, are allowed to play as free as possible to explore the strength and breadth of the world body. Also preferred because they are going to be a leader and head of the family.
Trauma of separation and pengistimewaan male embryo and a condescension toward women and self-centered attitudes of some men. Degrading femininity, emphasizing obedience, duty, and fidelity of the couple, but not applying it as an obligation of reciprocity also for themselves.
The dark side of masculinity
Human beings, women and men, in addition to having positive feelings, actually had the same feelings of fear, anxiety, depressed, or sad. Feelings are human and need to be recognized to be managed and resolved. However, for many men, it is considered as showing "weakness", not masculine, and embarrassing. Image of the ideal man is a strong, independent, able to compete, be a leader and a winner in the environment.
In accordance with the image of masculinity that connotes aggressive and strong in many men are emotionally upset. Various other negative feelings are not known, too embarrassing and threatening if it should be acknowledged openly. What is known is the emotion of anger and other emotions are also moved into the emotion of anger.
For example, when the wife talks to her male friends, maybe her husband felt "jealous"; when boyfriend drove her career, a man may feel "less confident" and as the wife of differing views on a matter, the husband may have felt "sad that not understood ".
However, instead of communicating their feelings honestly and openly, which is known and shown is the emotion of anger. Habits favored establishing a great need to be honored and privileged. Therefore, the understanding is that couples do not respect and some men and displays of anger and demanding compliance.
Image of a man "new"
On Wednesday, March 10, 2010, then, held talks about the "Movement New Men" on Campus UKRIDA, Jakarta. Interesting that Mas Nur Iman Subono reminded that the socialization of descent that gave priority to male power, privilege, and excessive permissiveness to men. This is not only unfair to women, but can cause conflict and distress in men themselves.
There are gender role strain because the things that normative and idealized for this (the man must be a great leader and more) truly different from the concrete fact that men actually are not more intelligent and more capable than women. Many women who are smarter and have more capacity than men.
Mayong Suryo Laksono who was married to a public figure says, "My wife and I are two different people. I can not change him my own devices, as well as he can not change me. Each of us has interests, needs, our own careers. According to I, forcing people to change for us was really bad. "
The speakers agreed that the man man demanding, want to control and dominate, especially violence against the couple, actually is a man who does not believe in themselves. Constantly in suspense and doubt, and then force others to comply in order to calm himself.
New messages to convey: that there is no higher and more powerful than others, why men and women do not work together to understand and respect each other?
It is time men no longer proud, but rather feel embarrassed if it is known as a man of selfish and arbitrary acts. Household work and make a living just as important and valuable, and not exclusively belong to one gender.
More beautiful picture is a picture of a father carrying a child, husband and wife are happy to share the task, the younger generation of women and men who can achieve goals as high as possible. Men are compassionate, understanding, and willing to work together instead would automatically get respect from his wife, children, and society.
Labels: health
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