Hollywood Good

Patrick is passing by Ned’s shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Ned doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right boot, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

Grabbing both sides of his checkered shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap onto a pile of hay.

‘What on earth are you doing Ned’, says Patrick.

‘Lord tunderin’ jeezuss, ye frightened the livin shit out of me’ says an obviously embarrassed Ned, ‘ me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to "attractor"