Hollywood Good

An Indian fellow by the name of Jay parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

More than a little distraught, the Indian grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the Indian starts screaming hysterically:

"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!" it's ruined
After the Indian finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Indian fellows are," he says.

"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Indian.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realize that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.

"The Indian looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!!" he screams........ "Where's my Rolex????..."

More bad news for the embattled porn-star community. First an HIV scare puts them out of work temporarily. Then testing at their favorite health clinic is shut down by the state. Now comes word that oral sex might be linked to a rise in head and neck cancer.

That's right, HPV, a.k.a papillomavirus, or genital warts, can set off those cancers, researchers say.

Bummer. And while head and neck cancers are going down as a result of anti-smoking efforts, cancers of the tonsil and at the base of the tongue are increasing. Ya heard, Charlie Sheen ...

... cancers at the base of the tongue. (At least someone's doing it right).

William Lydiatt, professor and chief of head and neck surgical oncology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center tells USA Today that "60 to 70 percent of all tonsil cancers in the U.S. are HPV-related," Lydiatt said.

That's almost 69 percent, people. Look alive.

The is especially bad news for the porn industry, which has been under attack for its lack of condom use. The AIDS Healthcare Foundation wants the state to enforce mandatory condoms on-set. What's next, dental dams? That's hot stuff.

The increase has been happening since 1973 and, yes, researchers think younger people have more oral sex than their forebears (Charlie Sheen vs. Martin Sheen; Bristol Palin vs. Sarah Palin, etc., theoretically) so, eh, pat yourselves on the top of your heads, kids.

But don't worry, Charlie.

Researchers say these cancers are easier to treat than others if caught early. So next time you have an upset stomach, Charlie, have the docs check out your tongue -- just in case.

These cancers "have been a lot easier to treat. You can use less-intensive radiation," Dr. D.J. Verret, clinical assistant professor at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School, said...

Original story http://blogs.laweekly.com/oral_sex_cancer

Patrick is passing by Ned’s shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Ned doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right boot, followed by the left.

He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

Grabbing both sides of his checkered shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap onto a pile of hay.

‘What on earth are you doing Ned’, says Patrick.

‘Lord tunderin’ jeezuss, ye frightened the livin shit out of me’ says an obviously embarrassed Ned, ‘ me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to "attractor"

So guys you enjoy paying a premium for coloured sugar water

London - Vitaminwater has too much sugar to be accurately described as nutritious, Britain's ad regulator ruled on Wednesday, ordering brand owner Coca-Cola to stop running publicity carrying the claim.

The Advertising Standards Authority said Coca-Cola broke ad rules when it described its popular line of flavoured water products as "delicious and nutritious" in an ad in 2010, explaining that consumers wouldn't expect a drink marketed as nutritious to have between four and five teaspoons of added sugar.

The Coca-Cola Co said on Wednesday that it was disappointed by the ruling, although it won't face any further action as long as it doesn't run the ad again.

The ruling is little more than a regulatory rap on the knuckles, but it underlines trans-Atlantic concerns about the way in which Vitaminwater is marketed.

In the US, consumers and health advocacy group Centre for Science in the Public Interest are suing over claims that Coca-Cola is using deceptive labelling to sell the drinks. In July, a district court judge wrote that Vitaminwater's use of the word "healthy" violated Food and Drug Administration labelling rules.

Vitaminwater is made by New York-based Glaceau, which was bought by Coca-Cola in a $4.1bn deal in 2007.

Original story http://www.news24.com/Vitaminwater-claims-misleading

The director of a funeral home is talking to a woman whose husband has just died, and he asks her if she has any special requests for the funeral.

“Yes,” she says, “he has to be buried wearing a black suit”.

“Well, this is a pretty dark blue suit he has on now, is that close enough?”

“No, no,” she said “it has to be a black suit. It’s very important, it’s a family thing.”

So he told her that, alright, he’d be sure and see to it. The funeral was a couple of days later, and the man is buried wearing a black suit. After the service, the woman talks to the funeral director again and thanks him, says that yes, it was perfect, and asks if she owes him anything extra for the cost of the suit.

“No, actually,” he says, “It’s a funny story. You see, just after you left another woman came in whose husband had died wearing a black suit, and I asked if she’d mind if he was buried in a blue suit instead. She said no, not at all. So I switched the heads.”

Family gathers at hospital to which Mandela admitted 'for tests'

Panic set in across South Africa last night as the news spread that former president Nelson Mandela had been admitted to a Johannesburg hospital.

This was in spite of assurances from the Nelson Mandela Foundation that he had been admitted merely for routine tests.

"He is in no danger and is in good spirits," foundation spokesman Sello Hatang said at about 4pm.

Mandela was whisked into a private entrance at Johannesburg's Milpark Hospital at about 3pm in a military ambulance escorted by his VIP protection unit.

Unlike on previous visits to the private hospital, when he left on the same day, the 92-year-old statesman was still in hospital late last night.

He was said to have been admitted for overnight observation.

Both the Milpark Hospital and the Nelson Mandela Foundation refused to release details of the nature or extent of Mandela's medical tests.

But he was believed to have been admitted to the hospital's trauma unit.

According to a senior nurse, the entire casualty area was cleared to accommodate Mandela, and to ensure his privacy and that of his family.

Family members arrived one by one - some on their own, others escorted by their bodyguards.

They all entered the hospital through a cordoned-off entrance that was guarded by hospital security guards and police.

Among the family members whisked in were Mandela's wife, Graca Machel, and her daughter, Josina. Mandela's daughter Zindzi arrived shortly after her father was admitted.

His grandson, Zondwa, managing director of embattled mining group Aurora Empowerment Systems, was there, as were his other grandchildren, Ndileka and Ndaba.

Mandela's long-time aide, Zelda la Grange, left the hospital late in the afternoon and returned just over two hours later.

She would not speak to journalists inquiring about the former president's health.

Hospital staff were last night seen carrying trays of tea, coffee and cold drinks to the area in which the family had gathered. Many had their hands full trying to keep the growing contingent of journalists at bay.

Most hospital patients and their visitors were unaware that Mandela had been admitted to the hospital until they saw the 7pm TV news.

A woman, visiting her son, said as she watched: "Oh my God, I wish that You save him."

The hospital's head of security, who refused to identify himself, said he would ask Johannesburg metro police to assist with crowd control.

Late last night, Gauteng police commissioner General Mzwandile Petros was called in to assess the security arrangements.

Local and international journalists were camped on the bridge overlooking the hospital and the metro police ordered them to leave the area.

The hospital began to strengthen its security an hour after Mandela's arrival.

Government and ANC officials are said to have been continually updating President Jacob Zuma, who is in Davos, Switzerland, for the World Economic Forum, on Mandela's condition.

The possibility of Zuma's early return to South Africa is believed to have been discussed.

However, last night the presidency said Zuma would remain in Davos and proceed to Ethiopia at the weekend for an African Union summit.

The "routine tests" came a day after retired archbishop Desmond Tutu said that Mandela was ''frail''.

"I saw him last week," Tutu said in Cape Town on Tuesday.

"He was all right; I mean he's 92, man, you know . and he's frail."

Two weeks ago, a report on social networking site Twitter claimed that Mandela had died.

The ANC condemned the report as a malicious and insensitive hoax.

Afrikaans Sunday newspaper Rapport said that, though the rumours of Mandela's death were false, reliable sources had confirmed that his health had deteriorated.

Earlier this month, a foundation spokesman said Mandela was well and on holiday with his wife.

|We wish the old man a quick and speedy recovery here from Zululand

Original story http://www.timeslive.co.za/Madiba-panic

The Earth could find itself with a 'second sun' for a period of weeks later this year when one of the night sky's most luminous stars explodes, scientists have claimed.

The supernova could provide the biggest light show since Earth was formed, and will be so bright that night will become like day for one or two weeks, experts said.

Betelgeuse, which is part of the Orion constellation 640 light years away from Earth, is a red supergiant, meaning that it is nearing the end of its life and is due to explode.

When it does do, it will burn so brightly that the earth will appear to have two suns in the sky, the Daily Mail reported.

What is less certain is when it will explode.

Brad Carter, senior lecturer of physics at the University of southern Queensland in Australia, said the explosion could take place before the end of the year – or indeed at any point over the next million years.

The explosion won't do the Earth any harm, as a star has to be relatively close -- on the order of 25 light years -- to do that. Betelgeuse is about 600 light years distant.

Supernovae are what happen to massive stars towards the end of their lives. Stars shine via nuclear fusion, turning hydrogen into helium, and then helium into carbon and heavier elements. Eventually, the star starts making iron. When that happens, the amount of energy released from fusing into anything heavier is less than what it takes to fuse the atoms. So the iron falls as "ash" to the center of the star.

When the iron core reaches a certain size, the star can't generate enough energy to support the outer layers (which are made up of hydrogen, helium and other heavier elements). The star collapses in a few seconds, and the mass of material "bounces" off the core, with so much energy that the star van shine more brightly than the galaxy it is in. What's left is a neutron star, a ball of neutrons a few miles across and so dense that a cubic centimeter weighs a metric ton.

The sun won't do that because it isn't heavy enough; instead it will expand into a red giant and then slough off its outer layers, ending its life quietly as a white dwarf star. But Betelgeuse is one of the most luminous stars known. It is far larger than the sun, and about 20 times as massive. Were it placed at the centre of the solar system it would extend all the way to the asteroid belt, beyond mars.

Stars that massive don't last long, however. Betelgeuse is thought to be only 10 million years old, as the more massive a star is the shorter its lifespan, which is why astronomers think it has an outside chance of exploding relatively soon.

This is a super yummy snack or light lunch

Ingredients

• 4 slices stale Portuguese loaf
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 250 ml milk
• 125 ml grated Parmesan cheese
• butter, for cooking
• 1 ripe avocado, sliced
• 12 rashers crispy bacon
• salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Gooseberry jam, to serve

Method

Mix beaten eggs and milk thoroughly.
Dip the bread into the milk mixture and coat with cheese.
Fry quickly in a little butter on both sides until crisp and golden.
Top with gooseberry jam avocado slices, bacon, and season with salt and black pepper

Residents of a small South African Karoo town want a double-storey mosque in their neighbourhood demolished.

Members of the Oudtshoorn Ratepayers' Association claim that since the Jaami Masjid was built - on land they claim was illegally sold by the council - their property values have dropped by 40%.

They say the mosque's public address system, on which the five daily calls to prayer is amplified, was costing the bed and breakfast next door a packet in lost business.

"In September 2009 public speakers were erected and used to call for prayers in unbearable high amplitude.

"My B&B business dropped immediately because my overseas guests were afraid," said owner Reinold Hensel.

He said there was a "big slaughter" at the mosque in November 2009 near the water reservoir and that his guests left immediately, fearing water pollution.

The slaughtering was in accordance with rituals conducted on the holy day of Eid-ul-Adha.

The Muslim Judicial Council declined to comment, referring The Times to the mosque's imam, Mufti Basheer Khan. Khan also declined to comment.

In letters to the municipality, the ratepayers' association claims the land on which the mosque is built was sold to the PE Dural Aloom Religious Group for just R25.

They also allege the council closed off a part of the street for the mosque without consulting them.

Lizanne Pelham, chairman of the ratepayers' association, said the Oudtshoorn municipality was sitting on findings of an investigation commissioned last year by Western Cape local government MEC Anton Bredell.

"No cultural and environmental impact studies were conducted even though the combined size of properties sold are over a hectare," she said.

"The mosque is situated in an established area [whose] majority [are] a non-Muslim community and the Islamic religious practices such as call to prayer and slaughtering animals are infringing on the rights of the residents."

Pelham said the Muslim community in Oudtshoorn was not big enough for such a large mosque, claiming worshippers are bused in from elsewhere. She said she wants the town's Muslims to attend mosque in George, which is 55km away.

Hensel said he used to enjoy a good relationship with Khan when work on the mosque started in 2006. "He told me that he will build a silent mosque with a school. The construction went on and on, the building got bigger and bigger. Some of my neighbours complained," he said.

"In 2010 I got various cancellations for the [Fifa] World Cup because my clients were afraid to stay so close to an Islamic mosque.

"My children who live in Europe are so scared of the Muslim activity here. They were supposed to take over my international tourism business but now they have refused."

Municipal spokesman Ntobeko Mangqwengqwe confirmed that the municipality had received the report from Bredell's office but they had sought legal opinion.

So what are your thoughts? .........Comment would be appreciated........
Original story http://www.timeslive.co.za/Mosque-stirs-unholy-rumble

Yummy yummy this is still one hot babe
She is widely considered to be one of the most beautiful women in the world.
And Megan Fox has just done a little bit more to cement that reputation.
The 24-year-old actress poses provocatively in a brand new advertisement for Giorgio Armani jeans and underwear.

And another tattoo on her ribs reads: "Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music." The shoot will form part of the spring 2011 campaign and will be appearing on billboards from next month.

Sutherland - Two stun grenades exploded, and somewhere in the house a woman screamed something incomprehensible before shots rang out in the Roggeveld mountains near Sutherland on Thursday.

Moments later, the bodies of a man and a woman were found in a deserted house on the farm Hardie, about 25km outside Sutherland.

The police would not confirm whether the bodies are those of the fugitive French couple Phillippe Meniére, 60 and Agnes Jeanne Jardel, 55, but Lieutenant Colonel Hendrik Swart did say the search for the couple has been called off.

This search came to a bloody end on Thursday - after six days - but it'll probably take much longer for police to piece the whole picture together.

The two bodies were only removed from the house where they died after 20:00. Police did not wait for ballistics experts before removing the bodies, Swart said.

Initially Swart said the couple’s bodies couldn’t be removed before explosives experts from Springbok had studied the scene.

It is unlikely that the experts were at the scene before the bodies were removed.

The experts were called because of the amount of ammunition found at the scene and the possibility of the bodies being booby-trapped.

A police helicopter equipped with infrared night vision technology spotted movement around a house on the farm on Wednesday night.

On the run

The house is about 500m from the one where Meniére and Jardel have lived for the past 12 years and where they shot Student Constable Jacob Boleme, 27, killing him, and injured his colleague, Warrant Officer Glenwall du Toit, 42, last Friday.

The two have since been on the run, with an integrated police force of 85 officials, a helicopter and a plane hot on their heels.

The police identified the house as a possible hiding place. They also believed the couple had not left the 3 000ha farm.

A neighbouring farmer went to the house on Thursday morning, completely unaware of the drama which would unfold. The house is usually only used at weekends, and Jardel and Meniére probably knew this, Swart said.

The farmer saw something wasn’t quite right and quickly left the area.

About ten police officials showed up shortly after that – after 11:00 – to investigate.

They raided the house armed with R5 assault rifles and .9mm pistols.

Two stun grenades were fired after which a woman apparently screamed something incomprehensible and then shots rang out. Afterwards the bodies of a man and a woman fitting the couple's description were found.

They had bullet wounds and were in what was presumably the kitchen.

Several firearms - rifles and pistols - and a large quantity of ammunition were found in the house. Shells were scattered everywhere and the walls were pockmarked with bullet holes.

Search called off

Swart would not confirm on Thursday afternoon whether it was, indeed, the French couple, since they haven't been formally identified.

He did say the search for the two has been called off.

He also couldn’t say whether the two had committed suicide or whether the police had killed them.

It is unclear which side fired first.

Swart said these details are part of the investigation, which could take days. Ballistics tests will also have to be done to determine whose bullets killed the two.

The police are still figuring out exactly what happened last Friday. The owner of the farm, Gerhardus du Plessis, informed the police on the previous night that Meniére and Jardel may be in possession of illegal firearms.

A warrant was obtained and the next day four police officials went to the house along with Du Plessis' sons, Jaen en Cobus.

Liziwe Mtshinga, the Northern Cape deputy provincial commissioner, said on Thursday the events are being investigated internally. She wasn't able to answer any questions such as how many police officials were armed and whether they were wearing bulletproof vests or not.

On Thursday afternoon Swart said they're struggling to trace the couple's family in France.

The police have not yet been able to confirm whether the two French citizens were members of the cult Ramtha's School of Enlightenment, as is alleged.

Swart was, however, able to confirm that Meniére had qualified as a medical doctor in France and that he worked previously at two Johannesburg hospitals.

Original story http://www.news24.com/

Our society urgently needs to be educated about what is good and what is evil about the internet – and that it will never go away and can never really be controlled.

The ANC as the ruling party is a case in point: Julius Malema wanted to close down Twitter when people tweeted in his name, and this week spokesperson Jackson Mthembu demanded that social media control their content after tweeters sent the fake story that Nelson Mandela had died.

Instead of strong-arm tactics, Mthembu should use Twitter and Facebook himself if he wants to counter lies and rumours in cyberspace.

But they’re not the only ones. Students and even journalists have been known to do much of their research on the internet, mostly with disastrous consequences.

I know someone who regularly searches the vast number of medical websites and who has in the last year diagnosed himself with several of humanity’s most interesting diseases. My friend is still alive and physically well, although he doesn’t think so – and his GP is laughing all the way to the bank.

Enlightening yet unreliable

The internet is the most exciting thing that has happened in my lifetime. I cannot imagine a working or relaxing day without it.

It can save lives, it can enlighten, it can mobilise against tyranny and it is the most powerful reminder that the world has actually become one village.

At the same time it is utterly unreliable, the perfect vehicle for hate and intolerance and a potentially dangerous instrument in the hands of freaks and extremists. These elements, by their very nature not democrats, always wage their vile campaigns in the name of free speech.

That’s just the nature of the beast. I can’t see anyone ever fully controlling cyberspace or closing it down, not even China or North Korea, and certainly not the ANC. The internet cannot be killed off.

But ordinary decent citizens do have the power to decide how they use the internet and how it affects them.

Powerful giants

The first thing to realise is that information on the internet is mostly untested. Anyone can put anything on a website or on social media. The trick is to find out which websites have a solid reputation for credibility and balance, or to turn to the mainstream media (radio, television, newspapers) for confirmation before one believes a new revelation.

I also heard of Mandela’s so-called death via the internet. I was alarmed, and immediately switched on my radio and searched the news columns of News24. When there was nothing, I assumed it had to be just a malicious rumour.

It is as important to realise that the smallest, dumbest, most insecure little guy becomes a powerful giant in his own eyes when he sits down in front of his computer and sends his anonymous blogs or comments all over cyberspace.

The same guy would never utter the same things in public or in a letter to a newspaper. Or if his name had to be attached to the comments.

I read the comments on Mandela on this and other South African websites after the Twitter story broke. Dozens and dozens of hate-filled messages calling Mandela a k.....r, a terrorist, a sub-human and a dog and expressing joy at his death.

I also read the vilest comments about my friend Jannie Momberg, the former ANC MP who was buried this week. Rot in hell, one blogger wrote, calling Momberg a snake and a traitor to Afrikanerdom.

Quality control

We tolerate these excesses in the name of free speech. And yet tolerating and disseminating this kind of vitriol and hate speech so undermines the vehicle that carries it that it loses its value as a forum for information and opinion.

In the end it works against the idea of a free exchange of information and opinion.

I have decided to avoid websites, even mainstream ones, where comments and debates are not guided by strong guidelines and where participants do not have to register before they can take part in discussions. Life is too short to spend time reading the fruits of disturbed people’s basest instincts.

I’m not advocating censorship, just a bit of sensible quality control. The freaks and the hate mongers can spew forth their filth on their own websites

Original story http://www.news24.com/MaxduPreez

Ingredients

Vinaigrette:

•1/2 cup white wine vinegar
•1 tablespoon coarse-grained mustard
•1 tablespoon sugar

Salad

•1kg potatoes, diced into cubes
•Salt
•6 bacon slices, chopped
•1 medium sized red onion, diced
•Freshly ground black pepper
•2 cloves garlic, chopped
•1/4 cup freshly chopped dill and parsley leaves, plus more for garnish

Directions

For the vinaigrette:

Mix all the ingredients together in a small bowl and set aside.

Add potatoes to pot of salted cold water. Bring to a boil, over high heat, then reduce heat to a simmer and cook for 20 minutes until tender. Drain and place in a large bowl. Cover with foil to keep warm, if necessary.

Add bacon to large saute pan and cook until crisp over medium heat. Remove to a paper towel-lined sheet tray and reserve. Add onion, dash of pepper and garlic to bacon grease and saute until tender, about 3 minutes. Add vinaigrette to vegetables. Let cook until reduced and thickened, about 2 to 3 minutes.

Add potatoes, dill and bacon to the pan and toss to coat with dressing. Allow to cook for 3 minutes. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper. Transfer potato salad to a serving platter and sprinkle with chopped fresh parsley

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.

Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Pumpkin Pie

1/3 shot Kahlua

1/3 shot Bailey’s Irish Cream or Amarula

1/3 shot Tequila (white)

1 dash cinnamon

Carefully layer this shot with Kahlua on the bottom, Bailey’s or Amarula in the middle, and tequila on top. Light the tequila on fire and sprinkle with cinnamon. Down it. It’s just like warm pumpkin pie!

In case you forgot how to make Milk-Tart Shooters go here
Melktert-shooters-oh-boy-these-are-good

Charlie Sheen is the bender king. We were just starting to forget about his last incident where he was found naked, intoxicated, and ranting with a pile of coke and a prostitute back in October and now he’s at it again!

Forget “Two and a Half Men” — We have learned Charlie Sheen has hooked up with three whole porn stars in Las Vegas — all at the same time … during what we’re being told is an epic bender.

We’ve learned Charlie hooked up with the three women — who are in Vegas for a porn convention.

The foursome is holed up at The Palms Hotel and Casino.

Sheen was seen today hammering down Grey Goose Vodka in the hotel bar.

Charlie is due back on the set tomorrow, and everyone around him — from studio execs to members of his team — is deeply concerned for his welfare and wants him to go to rehab.

As far as we know … Sheen hasn’t checked in with anyone today and probably will tell all and sundry to F*%k off tell he decides it's time to let up

Man this guy is a legend and is probably going to go nova on us and go out in a spectacular way shortly if he keeps up at the current rate

The policeman who pulled over Winnie Madikizela-Mandela's driver for speeding and reckless driving has had both criminal and disciplinary charges laid against him by his bosses.

Warrant Officer Jannie Odendaal, who was allegedly roughed up by Madikizela-Mandela's bodyguard, had his service pistol and police-issue cellphone confiscated yesterday morning - without formal notification or an explanation from his superiors.

Odendaal believes he is being victimised for "merely doing my job" and because he spoke to the media about an incident involving a high-profile politician.

He maintains that he was told the charges against him would be dropped if he apologised to Madikizela-Mandela. But police spokesman Colonel Neville Malila denied that Gauteng police commisioner, General Mzwandile Petros, had met Odendaal and his partner at the time of the incident and had advised them to apologise to Madikizela-Mandela.

Malila, who confirmed the charges against the two officers, also denied that Petros intended apologising to Madikizela-Mandela on behalf of the police.

"The police are not supposed to be political," Odendaal said yesterday.

"We are supposed to uphold law and order in this country and not be bullied because of a person's stature."

Madikizela-Mandela, the former wife of struggle icon and former president Nelson Mandela, is a member of the ANC's powerful national executive committee and an MP.

Odendaal's nightmare started when he and his partner stopped Madikizela-Mandela's car on the M1 North in Johannesburg, near the Xavier Road off-ramp, on December 30 because the vehicle was being driven "recklessly with its hazard lights on" at about 150km/h.

The officers followed the "suspicious" silver Audi A6, which had tinted windows.

Odendaal said he was pushed and yelled at by Madikizela-Mandela's bodyguard when he approached the car.

"He screamed at me: 'Who do you think you are?'."

Odendaal said he and the bodyguard exchanged words, with Odendaal warning the bodyguard that, if he touched him again, he would shock him with an electronic stunner.

Madikizela-Mandela allegedly yelled at Odendaal: "Who the f*&k do you think you are?"

The incident has been kept under wraps for the past two weeks but was exposed yesterday by the media.

Odendaal, who has been a policeman for almost 20 years, was this week given a week's sick leave because he is "not in a state to work following everything that has happened".

He has been transferred to the Soweto flying squad, which is based about 70km from his Brakpan home. His partner, a black officer who lives in Soweto, has been transferred to the East Rand.

"I'm extremely disappointed at the way this matter is being handled. I am now being punished for doing my job. This is ridiculous," he said.

Odendaal has now learned that charges of pointing a firearm and of common assault have been preferred against him and his partner.

"This is all a sick joke," he said.

To add insult to injury, Odendaal said he and his partner had been "advised" by Petros to apologise to Madikizela-Mandela, after which she would drop all charges against them.

He said he and his partner were told that Petros would accompany them to a meeting with Madikizela-Mandela.

"No one is above the law. She must apologise to me; I was just doing my job," Odendaal said.

Madikizela-Mandela could not be reached for comment yesterday.

The incident has angered political parties and civil rights groups.

The DA's Gauteng spokesman for safety and security in the provincial legislature, Kate Lorimer, yesterday lodged a formal complaint with the Independent Complaints Directorate, requesting an independent investigation into the matter.

Lorimer said it was a "major concern" that Madikizela-Mandela's version of events, and that of her bodyguard, were given more credence than the accounts of veteran police officers.

She questioned Petros's proposed apology.

"Madikizela-Mandela is a member of parliament and is not, by virtue of this fact, above the law," said Lorimer.

AfriForum's Nantes Kelder condemned proposals of an apology by the policemen, saying it would not be good for police morale.

"This action sends a very negative message to all [police officers] and henceforth they will hesitate to take action because of fear of victimisation.

"It was unacceptable that [police officers] who had done their best for the police for years had to be bullied into apologising."

Could this be racist and another of our goverment ministers using there position to get out of trouble? The whole blue light brigade is becoming pathetic and darn annoying to us small folk or everyday citizens

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS (Idiot)

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife...

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest...

The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would

purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...

HOLY MOTHER OF.. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ...!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

A friend sent me this and i was astounded i never new this and find it quite disturbing. I checked it out on the net and found it to be true!

In the early 1940`s, the I.G. Farben Chemical Company employed a Polish salesman who sold cyanide to the Nazis for use in Auschwitz..

The same salesman also worked as a chemist in the manufacture of the poison gas. This same cyanide gas along with Zyklon B and malathion was used to exterminate millions of Jews and other groups. Their bodies were then burned to ashes in the ovens.

After the war the salesman, fearing for his life, joined the Catholic Church and was ordained a priest in 1946. One of his closest friends was Dr. Wolf Szmuness, the mastermind behind the Nov./78 to Oct./79 and March/80 to Oct./81 experimental hepatitis B vaccine trials conducted by the Center for Disease Control in New York, San Francisco and four other American cities.

The salesman was ordained Poland`s youngest bishop in 1958. After a 30-day reign his predecessor was assassinated and our ex-cyanide gas salesman assumed the papacy as POPE JOHN PAUL II."

In his book 'Behold a Pale Horse,' former US Naval Intelligence Officer William Cooper relates a story associated with the IG Farben Chemical Company. In the early 1940s, that company employed a Polish chemist and salesman who sold cyanide gas, Zyklonthion to the Nazis for extermination of groups of people in Auschwitz.After the war the salesman joined the Catholic church and was ordained a priest. In 1958 he became Poland's youngest bishop and after Pope John Paul I's mysterious death, the ex-cyanide gas salesman Karol Wojtyla was elected to the papacy as Pope John Paul II in October 1978

In March 2000, he publicly apologized not for his war effort, but for the wickedness of the Christian religion. The plea for forgiveness also sought to pardon the use of 'violence in the service of truth' an often used fragile and troubling reference to the Inquisition.

The apology read by the Pope was the result of four years of work by a panel of 28 theologians and scholars and was by far the most sweeping act by a leader of a major religion. On few occasions have ecclesiastical authorities ever forgiveness?acknowledged the faults or abuses of which they themselves were guilty.

There was concern that the apology was a major theological miscalculation that could undermine the Pope's weakening authority and the unanswered question posed by the international media was -- 'In whose name was the Pope asking forgiveness?

Religion in whatever guise or creed has so much to be ashamed of and much to apologise for, it has caused more wars and suffering in history than any other single cause