Hollywood Good

Mommy the Fighter Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife..

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't fu-k with Mommy when she's been drinking."

I love these touching stories!

Simplicity and freshness make this a winner

Prosciutto or Parma Ham and melon is the best and easiest way to showcase  sweet cantaloupes. The combination of the soft melon and the salty prosciutto is simply delicious. These Melons or spanspek as we South Africans call them are picked at there optimal ripeness. A ripe cantaloupe will smell very strong and its skin will turn from green to yellow when it is ready to eat.

Serves 4

Ingredients

•1 Cantaloupe

•16-20 Thin slices of prosciutto or parma Ham

•Cayenne pepper

Cut the cantaloupe into 8-10 slices.

Trim large pieces of fat of the prosciutto and wrap about 2 pieces around each slice of melon.

This can be eaten as a summer starter or even as a salad. However you decide it is a fine simple dish with crisp flavours

This little boy is so much more than a medical miracle.

Born prematurely, legally blind, and missing his cerebellum – the part of the brain that controls motor skills, emotions and balance – 3-year-old Chase Britton is a wonderful example of the power of human spirit. He also was born without a pons – the part of the brain stem which regulates breathing and sleeping.

Chase is learning to walk, baffling his neurologists who claimed it was “impossible” since Chase “has the MRI of a vegetable,” reported AOL. He is clearly not a vegetable, forcing medical experts to rethink how the brain works.

Last fall, Chase started attending a specialized preschool three days a week. His teacher Sharon Schultz at CHC Learning Center in Williamsville, N.Y., told WGRZ, “I’m in awe of him every day. Things that, based on that diagnosis, he should not be able to do, he is doing. I mean, walking up and down the hall, riding a bike, holding a pencil or a pen to work on projects, using scissors.”

Chase’s mom, Heather Britton told AOL News, “We call him the Little Gremlin. He loves to play tricks on people. His goal in life is to make people smile.”

His father, David Britton, talked about his son’s extraordinary drive to keep trying, keep succeeding. “He’s got drive like I’ve never seen.”

Chase and his parents are both greatly inspiring. The Britton family had their hearts broken before when another son who was only 4-weeks old died on the day he was scheduled to receive a liver transplant. The parents were thrilled when Chase was conceived.

His mom said, “People could view this as a tragic story. But that depends on how you look at life. You can be angry or you can appreciate what you have been given. Chase was meant to be with us.”

She added, “Don’t give up on your kids. Don’t believe everything the doctors say. Don’t get me wrong. I love doctors. But they can be wrong. Chase is extremely healthy. And he’s extremely smart — his motor skills just haven’t caught up.”

As Secondhand Smoke’s Wesley Smith wrote, “But the moral of the story is that all of us should be treated as fully human, no matter how dire our seeming circumstances. And sometimes there is no suppressing the power of human will, and if you will, what is often called the human spirit.”

Hope springs eternal and as long as there is life there is hope. We all wish Chance a life of peace and inspiration as that is what he is to so many others a pure ray of  hope and Inspiration
PessimistInc

Original story http://blog.ncpad.org//tiny-tot-with-no-cerebellum

Charlie Sheen Calls Everything a Turd! "Talking of self destruction"

CBS and Warner Bros. have shut down production of the hit comedy Two and a Half Men after Charlie Sheen's incendiary and ridiculously entertaining radio show rant yesterday. Sheen called Men executive producer Chuck Lorre a "turd," "clown," and a "charlatan," and said Lorre's show was a "tin can" that he magically turned to "pure gold." He also called Alcoholics Anonymous a "bootleg cult," referred to the women he parties with as "turds" and "losers," and called Thomas Jefferson a "p***y."

After learning production was halted, Sheen sent an open letter to TMZ that is even more colorful than his on-air comments, calling Lorre a "contaminated little maggot" and an "earthworm" he defeated with his words, "imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists." Sheen then challenged Lorre to a fight and said, "If he wins, then he can leave MY show!"

The outburst may cost Sheen a role in Major League 3, with James G. Robinson — CEO of Morgan Creek Productions — comparing him to Lindsay Lohan and telling TMZ, "I'm not going to risk putting Charlie in the movie if he continues messing up." According to Sheen, that would be a mistake. As part of his rant he discussed Major League 3 and again used the t-word. "If they want me in it, it's a smash, and if they don't, it's a turd opening on a tug boat."

Read more http://www.reelzchannel.com/charlie-sheen-calls-everything-a-turd

My son told me, Dad, I would like to have a tattoo.

I told him No, nobody has one in our family ... And you are not having one.

He asked me, Why not? All my friends have a tattoo!

I told him, it would be a stain on your body!

He pleaded with me, Dad, please, please, just a Cartoon Character on the belly?

And after many hours of discussion I gave in and decided to let him.
After all, he was a young man with his own freedom of choice....

And I thought....

A Cartoon Character ... Is probably not so bad!
Oh boy was i wrong!

If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one......

An incredible story of luck and inspiration!

Can you believe it?
This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.

 Talk about LUCK ..........!

The Aftermath of a devastating Earthquake
With hundreds still missing, and 75 already confirmed dead, rescuers struggled to find survivors on the second night after a devastating earthquake struck Christchurch, New Zealand's second largest city Tuesday. Buildings crumbled into the streets after the 6.3 magnitude earthquake, which geologists consider an aftershock to a 7.1 earthquake that caused no casualties in September. Tuesday’s temblor was more devastating and deadly because it was centered only six miles from the city's center and hit during the middle of a workday. The Government has declared a national state of emergency. Officials estimated there could be 100 people trapped in the CTV building alone

Read more at http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/02/christchurch_earthquake.html

There is no substitute for experience

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in one of London's most expensive hotels.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use"

'But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said..

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use
it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to
pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this
cheque is for only £50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

A disturbing look at our futures and the people we are churning out in our higher learning institutions to lead us into that future
------------------------------------------------
Sinking deeper into mediocrity
Adjusting expectations downwards is very dangerous

By Jonathan Jansen
 
I have in front of me the 2010 "Statement of Results" for the National Senior Certificate statement of a youngster who demands to study at university.

They are: Afrikaans 43, English 39, mathematical literacy 38, life orientation 78, business studies 41, computer applications technology 31, life sciences 28

At the bottom of the certificate is this unbelievable statement: "The candidate qualifies for the national senior certificate and fulfils the minimum requirements for . admission to higher education."

Understandably, this young woman takes these words literally, and correctly demands a seat in any place of higher learning. With the young woman's claim to study I have no problem. With the society that sets the bar for performance so low, I have serious problems.

Slowly, slowly we are digging our collective graves as we fall into a sinkhole of mediocrity from which we are unlikely to emerge.

We make excellence sound like a white thing. Behind a massive wave of populism, and in the misguided name of regstelling (setting right the past), we open access to resources and universities to young people without the hard work necessary to achieve those gifts and to succeed once there. Of course, you're a racist if you question this kind of mindlessness; how else do you, as a politician, defend yourself against the critics of mediocrity in an election year?

I miss Steve Biko. In the thinking of black consciousness, he would have railed against the low standards we set for black achievement, in the language of the 1970s.

This young (incidentally black) person did not achieve anything above 50% in her Senior Certificate results for any exam subject, but we tell her she can proceed to higher studies. What are we saying? That black students are somehow less capable and therefore need these pathetic results to access higher education? No, I am sorry, but today I am angry about the messages we send our children.

I saw black parents and students squirm the other night when I addressed a racially diverse group of parents and students and made this point clear: "If a black student requires from you different treatment and lower academic demands because of an argument about disadvantage, tell them to take a hike." (Okay, I used stronger language.)

I saw white teachers squirm when I made the other important point: "If you have lower academic expectations of black children because of what they look like, or where they come from, that is the worst kind of racism."

Our society, schools and universities have adjusted expectations downwards, especially in relation to black students, and that is dangerous in a country with so much promise for excellence.

As stories come rolling in from across the country for our Great South African Teachers book, I am struck by one thing. That many black professionals who are chartered accountants, medical scientists or corporate lawyers tell of attending ordinary public schools under apartheid, often in rural areas, and having teachers at the time who, despite the desperate poverty and inequality, held high expectations of their learners. There was no compromising on academic standards; there was homework every day; there was punishment for low performance; and there was constant motivation to rise above your circumstances.

Not today. Mathematical literacy is a cop-out, a way of compensating for poor maths teaching in the mainstream. Parents of Grade 9 children, listen carefully - do not let your school force your child into mathematical literacy because they will struggle to find access to academic degree studies at serious universities. Insist your child does mathematics in Grade 10 for that important choice determines what your child writes in Grade 12.

It is not, of course, mathematical literacy that I am concerned about; there are good teachers of the subject. It is about the message we send: that children can't do maths.

In other words, a message again communicated of low expectations. Do not buy into this culture of mediocrity in the way your child makes subject choices. Also, tell your child not to take life orientation seriously; as you can see in the above results, there is no positive relationship between high marks in academic subjects and this thing called life orientation.

Small wonder young people with better results than those above are without work. The marketplace, and serious universities, know this child will not succeed with these kinds of results, even if Umalusi does not "get it".

Original story link http://www.timeslive.co.za/Sinking-deeper-into-mediocrity

The park exists within the transition zone between the dry Kalahari and wetter Lowveld vegetation, commonly referred to as "Bushveld". Unlike any other large park, unique overlaps of mammals, birds and vegetation occur because of this transition zone.

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs .... enough times till her husband says... "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"


"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat.”

The assistants job

In these turbulent times of unemployment, a desperate man went into a Job Centre in Cape Town and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Very interested he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read;

"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave them and then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $189.000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Worcester "

"My word, is that where the job is?" asked the man.

She answered, "No sir, that's where the end of the queue is."

The Glasgow Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive. There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh ...."

"Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person ................"

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain ....................

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Roostekoek or BBQ Bread

Make a basic bread dough but reduce the liquid. Spoonfuls are then cooked on a clean grid over low coals. This is a simple and easy side accompaniment to any braai or BBQ

Ingredients:
500 ml flour
15 ml baking powder
2 ml salt
75 ml milk
75 ml Butter milk
1 egg, beaten

Method:
Mix together ingredients, place balls on clean grid, cook on one side until crisp, then turn and cook other side until they sound hollow when tapped.

Eat me
Now the fun part is deciding what to eat with them you can simply just lather them with butter or smother them in jam or put pieces of your cooked meat in them and eat it like a hot dog. Whatever you decide they tasty and really good so enjoy

Solar storms

The sun follows an 11-year cycle that is currently building toward its "solar max," during which time the sun is more active. When solar storms occur, the sun can emit tides of electromagnetic radiation, known as coronal mass ejections, or CMEs. CMEs are essentially balls of plasma, and when they reach Earth, they release energy visible as colorful auroras. They may be pretty, but they unleash static discharges that can disrupt or knock out power grids. Solar flares, eruptions of supercharged protons, can reach Earth in minutes and also have catastrophic consequences.

NASA says modern power grids are so interconnected that a large sun storm could cause failures that would cut power to 130 million people in the U.S. alone. Outages would cost trillions of dollars and take years to fix, communications would be cut off, international trade might halt, and millions of people could die. Sound like science fiction? In 1859, a solar storm caused telegraph wires to short out in the U.S. and Europe, and in 1989, a solar storm knocked out power to all of Quebec, Canada. However, NASA predicts that the solar max that will occur in the 2012-2014 time frame will be average and says their is no special risk associated with 2012

Planet X

Planet X, or Nibiru, is the supposed 10th planet in our solar system — if we're counting Pluto. According to the Planet X theory, Nibiru is enormous and is on a 3,600-year elliptical orbit that places it in Earth’s gravitational proximity in 2012 — an event that would cause flooding, earthquakes and worldwide destruction. Proponents of the theory cite earthquake and weather data as evidence of the planet’s increasing influence on Earth, and some say that Egyptian records show that the Planet X “flyby” corresponds to Noah’s great flood and the sinking of Atlantis.

However, astronomers say there’s no evidence to support Planet X theory and that if the planet did exist, humans would be able to see such a large planet with the naked eye. The Nibiru catastrophe was initially predicted to occur in May 2003, but the date was later changed to the infamous Dec. 21, 2012.

Global Warming

Whether you believe in man-made warming or not, there’s no denying the planet is getting hotter. In fact, 2010 tied 2005 for the warmest year on record with global temperatures 1.12 degrees Fahrenheit above the 20th century average. And there are some who say that we’re running out of time to stop irreversible climate change — in fact, by some calculations we’re less than a decade away.

According to climate scientists, once a critical greenhouse gas concentration threshold is passed, global warming will continue even if we stop releasing gases into the atmosphere. If this occurs, the Earth’s climate will become more volatile, resulting in catastrophic weather patterns. Plus, as temperatures rise, food will become scarce, air quality will worsen and diseases will spread. The World Health Organization estimates that 150,000 people are already killed by climate change-related issues each year, and U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has said that global warming poses as much of a threat to the world as war.

Pole shift

According to polar shift theory, there have been shifts in the positions of the North and South poles and the Earth’s axis rotation, and a sudden shift occurs every 400,000 years. Such a shift would create catastrophic events, including earthquakes, tsunamis and floods, and naturally, many predict this catastrophic flipping of the poles will occur in 2012.

While the continents do make slow movements, scientists say it’s extremely unlikely they would cause the poles to reverse
 
Nuclear war

The Cold War is over, but the threat of nuclear war still exists today, with a number of countries possessing the capability of deploying such destructive devices. In addition to threats from the explosion and radiation, there are also indirect effects such as contaminated food and water supplies, poor air quality, destruction of power grids affecting communication and transportation, and nuclear winter.

It’s been theorized that detonating nuclear weapons will cause large amounts of smoke, soot and debris to enter Earth’s stratosphere, reducing sunlight for months or even years. Such a nuclear winter would result in severe cold temperatures and interference in food production. In 2007, scientists Brian Toon and Alan Robock concluded that if India and Pakistan were to launch 50 nuclear weapons at each other, the entire planet could experience 10 years of smoke clouds and a three-year temperature drop.

Asteroid

Movies like “Deep Impact” and “Armageddon” may be works of fiction, but the threat of an asteroid hitting the planet is quite real. After all, the Earth and moon have craters that prove they have a long history of being hit by large objects from space.

In 2028, the asteroid 1997XF11 will come close to hitting Earth, but scientists say that won't actually happen. However, if it were to hit the planet, the mile-wide rock would race toward the surface at roughly 30,000 mph and probably wipe out most life on the planet. The species that did survive would be in for a rough life after such a catastrophic event. Dust from the impact and ash from the forest fires would remain in the Earth’s atmosphere for years, blocking sunlight and destroying plant life, which would cause food shortages worldwide. However, NASA's Spaceguard Survey searched for large near-Earth asteroids and has determined that there are no threatening asteroids as large as the one that killed the dinosaurs 65 million years ago.